Separation of Church and Self

Faith.
What is it?



This past week has been difficult for me. We learned that a good friend in California was attacked on the 4th of July and is in critical condition. My head and my heart ache for him. I need for him to be better, to pull through, to fight for his life...though I fear he doesn't yet know what has happened to him. I don't want to cry, because that seems defeatist, but the tears come. He's got a brilliant mind, and I fear he won't be the same. Sadness pervades my very core just thinking about this. What can I do?

Praying is not an option for me. Who would I pray to? Possessing belief in a higher being just is not in the cards for me, and that may prove to be my undoing. I'm very conflicted, with rampant thoughts of who to call out to. I don't believe in God. I find the concept of a higher being to be completely irrational. I've been calling out to Chris...be well my brother...you are loved, please, be well.

In the past, when my grandmother was still alive, she would tell me to pray to Jesus whenever she knew I was troubled. Each time I would tell her that I don't pray, and that I don't believe. She always thought I was joking. One day she realized I was sincere, and she was truly shocked that my Catholic upbringing was that easily brushed aside. No grandma, it was not easily brushed aside, but slowly and deliberately negated by my own rational thought processes. Grandma would always tell me that she prayed for me. That gave me comfort, and I thanked her for that each time she mentioned it. Could the strength of her faith actually help me? Somehow, I was able to hold my own semblance of faith in that.

When an individual accepts that faith in God, it seems to comfort them. For me, faith in God makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I've had uncountable discussions about this with many people over the years. Many of these friends and family members pray for me, and it is indescribable how that makes me feel. The strength in their faith is powerful, and I don't see it as a waste of time because they do actually own their faith. It's a tangible thing to them. I don't begrudge or belittle a person for having religion in their lives, as I see how it enriches them. That's a good thing, right?

I suppose this blog is a request to those who do pray.

Please say a prayer for my friend Chris Bowd.



We need this ornery cuss in our lives.
Be well my friend.